I am not perfect.
I try my best, yet often my best does not seem good enough.
I am not even sure what good enough is. Maybe it is something I will find one day, or maybe it is something I already have.
I am endlessly searching for something, some type of validation. But the truth is I cannot answer my calls for help of my past. What I can do is give it to God and move on, accepting that He is the only one who can validate me. Not others, not mere mortals. Not even myself.
I am God’s, not self’s.
Failing is a fear I have had all to long.
With each company I desire to work for telling me that the position I have desired has just been filled, I tremble with regret. I look around and yet I have no friends. I am merely alone as I sit in my room ready to give up. But then I remember this Bible verse, I lift my eyes up to the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord makeover of Heaven and Earth. Yes I was once lost, yet though I am found I still feel confused. The failing of tests both academically and in life are weighing on me. But because of God I shall triumph! Victory is mine sayeth the Lord, and I am on the Lord’s side. The winning side.
I often feel lost,
I am constantly cheering others up when I feel down.
Unfortunately this is constant in our society, and the truth is God loves us whether we feel lost or found.
I’ve ruined so many things, yet God has restored them before I’ve even broken them. He knows my truth and thankfully God has loved me even when I feel lost, even when I felt that I ruined things, even when I felt that I wanted to die and end all that He has blessed me with, given me, and has enstore for me.
God told me to graduate in 2022.
I decided to take the opportunity to graduate in 2021, pushing myself harder and harder to the point of having several mental breakdowns a day, constantly wanting to die. I wanted to graduate in 2021 because that’s what I was “supposed to do.” Truth is it wasn’t, and I am now suffering from those consequences. Yet even in my suffering God has been faithful to me. I barely have any friends, I’ve angered many people including those who I love because I’ve constantly quit jobs this year. I’ve hurt myself and hurt others. I’m exhausted, but God is still good.
I’ve been able to change lives because I love others. I’ve also tried to people please instead of God please. I’ve done so many things and have inflicted trauma on myself because of it.
I write this to say never follow yourself or others. Follow the God whom saves. He is faithful. He was trying to protect me from everything I’ve endured. Lord be with me. I am so sorry for the sins I’ve committed. For wanting to prove myself to those in whom could never save me, as I cannot save myself either. Only you can save, only you can live and choose who lives. I love you Lord, I pray this year be greater than what I could ever imagine and that the person reading this is blessed by my testimony and that they remember to follow you, even in human error. I love you,
Your daughter. Tiara. ❤️
Do not shake the feeling of conviction!
Listen to it. Repent of your sins, behonest with God because he already knows your heart! God loves you so much that He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for you, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16, NIV)
“Love the Lord with all your mind, body, and soul”
Jesus’ words sing so true to my ears as I write this. The truth is that the Lord our God is faithful, all we have to do is believe. Belief comes in trust, it comes in love, and it also comes in kindness. We should trust the Lord, love God and love others, show kindness to God, ourselves, and others. We live in a put yourself first society yet God is beyond greater than we are. When we put God first is when we truly blossom. Grow in God as believers. Be the follower of Jesus Christ that God has destined you to be. I am a living witness of being a luke warm believer at certain points in my life thus far. I rebuke that in Jesus name from happening to me or you again. Trust in God, forgive yourself, forgive others, and love others. God is love, and you are His child once you are adopted into the family of God by acceptance of Jesus Christ as your Lord and saving and the repentance of your sins. We confess these things with your mouth Satan is no longer the master of your life, God is your Father! Hallelujah! God bless you. For you serve a God whom is a Master and a Father. This is the greatest blessing of all, knowing and loving the Lord. God bless you brothers and sisters in Christ. Stop doubting, start believing.
If I ever hurt you, I am sorry. I ask for your forgiveness.
If you’ve ever hurt me, I forgive you. I thank God for His forgiveness.
God is good,
That’s all I have to write today.